Poor responder

For those who read my EB diary, you'll have to excuse the bits I've cut & pasted.

Our IVF cycle was cancelled on Tuesday due to poor response. I only produced 1 follicle, which I do on my own every month anyway, without forking out thousands of dollars & injecting myself with hormones.

I knew that something would go wrong. The injection start date was last Friday. Black Friday. I commented to a few people that I felt that the cycle was doomed from the start with that ominous date. Well, I was right.

I just didn't think it would fail so early. I feel ripped off that we didn't even get a chance to try. After all the build up, and the waiting, the anticipation, to finally start the injections & then have our cycle cancelled after the first scan was beyond devastating.

I wasn't expecting to get pregnant on our first attempt at IVF, but I thought, in the very least, we'd at least get to the end of the cycle.

So now, we wait. Again. We wait to get back in to see the specialist. Wait to talk about it, again. I'm tired of waiting, and I'm tired of talking. We were finally acting, finally doing something, and it's been stripped away from us.

And now I've lost my naivety about the whole process as well. I lost the innocence & fun about TTC a long time ago, but I finally had something new, an unproved entity that I could blindly stumble through in the vague belief that everything would actually, well, work as it should. And now I don't even have that any more. When we get to cycle again (whenever that is), I'll be expecting something to go wrong.